Saturday morning the sun dawned a little sweeter than it had in a while. "Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feeling everything's going my way!" I sang to myself as I readied for the day. The day was mine to be had, full of promise and happiness for one and all. The only thing on the to-do list was the Trunk-or-Treat at 5:30. We could do whatever we wanted to to fill in the time before that hour.
"Get up sleepyheads, we're going to Wal Mart," the kids were told. They got up in a flash and hurriedly ate their breakfasts and changed their clothes. They never get up that fast on weekdays.
Just getting out the door proved to be a herculean feat. Hair and clothing choices needed to be approved. Shoes needed to be found. Money needed to be scoured out of little purses and piggy banks. Baby needed to be fed one more time. After what seemed an eternity we were finally ready to go.
During the long drive the fighting and bickering in the back seat began alittle sooner than it normally does. We are usually able to at least get out of the sub-division before the first battle cries are heard, but not on Saturday, what was supposed to be my day. Didn't these little twerps know it was going to be a good day? They were doing their best to destroy my good humor.
We made it to the mega-store without physical harm to the back seat occupants. Once inside everyone at once began to speak:
"I need to get a new watch battery."
"I want to get money out of my account, I only have 93 cents."
"I need some mascara."
"Can I get princess accessories for my costume?"
"I want to get some beads for mine."
"French fries!!!"
"Okay, okay. You go with dad. You come with me. We'll get your accessories and no. We're not getting french fries." I spat in all directions. Seemed simple enough.
Seriously, why did I think this would work out? Didn't I remember what had happened at Target last time? Of course, this time I had the father to help me. but hey! Who are we kidding. The second you enter a store, the father becomes just another kid to keep track of.
For some reason we kept getting split up. First it was 2 groups of us. That turned into 3. At one point I believe there were 4 different groups of Gardners roaming the aisles. Hallie got some curious stares as she pushed Violet around in a cart. She went so far as to say to one lady who had done a double take "No! This is my sister." Finally we all reunited in the toy section. I still had quite a list of items to aquire but we were getting closer to being done.
"I need diapers," I said, like it was some new thing. Don't we always need diapers? While we were in the baby section Violet began to fuss. Hallie unbuckled her and started to cradle her when I noticed that her belly was soaking wet.
I took her to the bathroom at the back of the store where I discovered that it was more than mere wetness. Her new thing is saving her b.m.'s for several days and then KABLAM and KABLOOEY! Also compounding the situation was that she was wearing a diaper that had been manufactuerd approximately 11 years ago. When my neighbor gave me the boxes (and boxes) of baby clothes that she had saved from her 12 year old, there had been a little bundle of diapers. Seven to be exact. Diapers have come a long way since the 90's!!!
As I rummaged in my purse I realized that the extra onesie that had been in there a day before had been taken out and used during another outing. Crap! I found a cute little outfit on the clearance rack and determined to buy it.
"Aren't we almost done? Why buy that? I'll just carry her and wrap her in her blanket." Curtis complained.
"First of all, this is only $2.00 and second, you forgot to put her blanket with her before we left." I was starting to get really perturbed.
"Oh, so now it's my fault!" he ruffled.
Determined not to let my baby be carried through the chilly store in socks and a diaper I marched over to the Site-to-Store counter. After waiting for what seemed an eternity(10 minutes), the clerk returned only to tell me that she couldn't ring any thing up at her register. It would have been nice if there had been signage stating this fact. I put the outfit back on the rack.
"Serenity now," I chanted.
We finished up our trip with my list only half-bought and hurried home with a chilled baby.
Now you may wonder just what was the life-lesson I learned.
Was it to not take the whole circus to the store next time? No.
Was it to always check your bag for the extra clothes, especially if a b.m. is looming in your future? No.
Was it that dad's are cheap? No. (already knew that one)
The lesson is this, my dear friends:
Don't use diapers that somebody saved in their baby clothes stash for 11 years!!!
They aren't worth the space they take up. Now I need to go throw away a little bundle of diapers. Hope your day is better than mine was Saturday.
Saturday's bright spot: The Trunk-or-Treat. Pictures tomorrow :)
3 comments:
YOu are absolutely hilarious!!! I love reading your stories! OH, and by the way, your going to miss this!
Walmart is the store to be if you're going to carry around a babe in her diaper. You probably fit right in!
We were visiting friends in DC, and decided to visit the temple. When we got there, we realized Kaden had left his shoes in our friends car. He walked around the temple grounds shoeless in October (can you say, "white trash").
I just scrolled through the previous post. That cracked me up! I would've never guessed the first pic was Curtis....he looks like he has red hair and freckles.
your baby is an absolute doll!
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