I was sooooo looking forward to going out with him. We hadn't been on a "real" date for weeks. Weeks, I tell you. We have been so busy with parties, performances and kids, that we hadn't been alone in public since before, I don't even remember when.
I really, really wanted to go to the movies. I love the movies. Let me repeat, I LOVE THE MOVIES!!! but let's face it, it has been slim pickins at the theatre since Thanksgiving. But last night I was desperate. Desperate I tell you.
Now I love me a medieval movie. It's my favorite slice of history. I would never want to live in that time period, but I am intrigued by it. So I talked Curtis into going to see "Season of the Witch" with Nicholas Cage. He hates movies with evil undertones but said he would sacrifice for me. I'm not all that squeamish when it comes to movies about people being accused of witchcraft, which is what I was hoping for, but this movie exhibited pure evilness in just the first 5 minutes of the movie. I can't watch pure evil. So we decided to leave and watch a different movie.
I was sad. I really wanted to watch a movie set in the 14th Century.
That movie started at 7:00. the time was currently 7:20ish. We went to the customer service desk and requested to change. We settled on "Gulliver's Travels" at 8:00.
We really love Jack Black.
So we thought it would be alright. And it was PG. We thought we were safe.
Boy were we wrong. It started out promising, he seemed perfect for the part, but it quickly turned sour. The first moment of stupidity came when Black's character was captured by the Lilliputians. They roped him with some snares and proceeded to pull him over. As he fell he landed on a little man which was swallowed by his (Black's) butt crack.
Yes, I said butt crack.
There was a few moments of profanity, which made me increasingly uncomfortable. In the next scene the palace catches on fire. At the moment this happened I turned to Curtis and said,
"You realize where this is going, don't you?" Curtis had no reply.
"He is going to pee on that fire to put it out. If he pees on that fire...." I threatened.
So what does Jack Black do? He pees on the fire.
So......we got up and went back to the customer service desk to get our money back. There was no other movie that we were interested in. Time: 8:45. We were in the theatre for 2 hours, watched 30 minutes of previews, drank 2 sodas, ate a large popcorn and then got our refill, all without having the pleasure of viewing a film.
As we left I suggested we stop by my mom's and watch the Suns' game because we, being from the 14th Century, don't have cable.
We all know how that game went. It was sad.
"Sorry our date sucked," Curtis said, as we got in the car.
"It wasn't a total loss," I replied. "Now I know that you will see just about any movie that I want to see. That's true love."
And then my true love took me home. We'll try again next Friday.
3 comments:
Sorry your date sucked...but thanks for sharing about Gulliver's Travels -- I will for sure skip that one (not a fan of Jack Black anyway)! I saw the 3rd Narnia a couple of weeks ago and liked it, but I don't usually get out much to see movies. Good luck on your next one! :)
Bob and I are cracking up! You really should write a book. Your flair for descriptions is awesome! I think I'll avoid the movie theater for a while. I'm not interested in squeamish or movies that involve peeing on palaces. LOL!
Okay, I guess my maturity level is a little lower than yours, because I actually liked that movie! The Jack Black one, that is. We took the kids, and all enjoyed it. But yeah, I saw the pee coming. Sad about your date. But even sadder that we never go on dates these days. Our last one was the Messiah, and who knows when we will go again? Although I did buy a movie shirt and cups.
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