Gouda is gooda.

Have you ever watched that show "The Middle". If you haven't, you should repent this instant and set your watch for Wednesday night, 7:00 p.m. (Channel 15). That show is sooo funny. It's with Patricia Heaton (the wife from "Everybody Loves Raymond"). It is sooo funny. Oh, I said that.

Anyways, I think the writers are somehow watching me, spying on my every interaction with my children, and then writing episodes about it. If only I could figure out a way to prove it, I might be able to make some money.

So last night's show was, in a nutshell, about parents who torture themselves doing EVERYthing for their kids and never taking time for themselves. They have lost touch with their own interests in this quest to please their kids. So they go on strike. The kids are on their own.

The parents then rediscover a forgotten world of fun. The teenage daughter, who is eerily similar to Hallie--sports hoodie, braces and all--wants her mom to buy her a polkadot umbrella so that she and her friend will have matching umbrellas for a little musical number they want to do in the lunch room during school.

The mom refuses. Go, mom! After a half hour of the mom and dad thinking only of themselves they start to feel guilty. So the mom caves and goes and buys her daughter the umbrella. Coincidentally, the dad ALSO buys her and umbrella. They run into each other at the school while trying to deliver said umbrellas to the daughter without the other knowing.

(rapid panting) This explanation is getting WAY TOO LOOOONG. Bear with me.

Long story short, they discover that catering to their children is the only thing they know how to do. So they give up the fight and go back to their pandering ways.

What does any of this have to do with me, you ask? What about the obscure reference in the title about gouda cheese? Funny you should ask.

So, Hannah is in this club at school. Actually she and her friends started it. It's a cheese club. Seriously, a cheese club at school. Once a week someone in the club brings a type of cheese and shares it with the rest of the class. If that wasn't weird enough, here is the really weird part: They have to prepare a report and a presentation to go along with it.

What kind of kids give themselves MORE homework? These kids are Over-achievers of the Third Kind.

Anyway (big breath), Hannah asked me last weekend to pick up some gouda cheese for her presentation on Tuesday.

Hannah: "Mom, I need you to get some gouda cheese for a school assignment on Tuesday."

Me: "Why on Earth do you want to eat gouda? It might be stinky."

Hannah: "Come on mom, I NEED it for a report."

Me: "What class is this for?"

Hannah: "It's for my...errr...cheese project."

Me: "Which teacher assigned this to you?"

Hannah: "It's really important, mom. It's for our cheese club. Please."

Me: "I refuse to buy stinky cheese that you and your friends are going to take one bite of and gag."

Hannah: "Please."

Me: "And I can't believe you tried to deceive me by making it sound like a real assignemt. NO CHEESE FOR YOU!"

Hannah: sullenly walks away.

Okay, I really meant it when I said I wouldn't buy her that stinkin' cheese. Really.

Tuesday morning came and Hannah had no cheese when she left for school.

I am loathe to admit that when I was at Fry's, I passed the cheese bin....and....well, I bought some gouda cheese!!! What was I thinking?

That wasn't the end of it. I actually drove straight to the school, had Curtis call her to the office (out of Social Studies!!!), and gave her the cheese.

I couldn't help myself. It just happened. What have I done? Now she knows that I'll do just about anything for her.

And what will happen when the other kids discover this fact also.

I'm doomed to a life of servitude. I am such a sucker!

At least we now know that gouda isn't stinky. It's actually quite good. We also know alot of fun facts about it. It's a Dutch cheese. It's not actually made in the region of Gouda, it's made.....