Adventures at Target

Saturday I decided to get brave and take all 5,000 of my kids to Target....without Curtis.

Bad idea.

First I must start with the acknowledgement that the "Worst Hair Month of the year in Arizona" is in full swing. I hate August. My hair already looks like a hay-stack most days, but in August it is extra special.

So when I entered the store I looked like a hag. A hag with 5,000 children.

It started out promising but soon descended into what could only be classified as a three-ring circus.

Violet's carrier had to be set down in the basket because it wouldn't balance correctly on the part of the basket nearest the handle. That meant that Zane was hoofing it. He did well in the dollar section. He even did well in the toothpaste aisle. It all fell apart in the school supplies section. Spiderman backpacks....Cars notebooks....sharp and blunt end scissors....oh my!

That little turkey seems to think that if an item is placed in the cart, it will be purchased no questions asked. As each contraband item was placed back on the shelf, wailing would follow.

We were able to bypass the toy section (don't really know how that happened-it was a blur to me). In the bike aisle we were looking for a new inner tube for Hallie's bike when, joy of all joys, Zane found the bike horns.

"EEEEYYYAAAHHH!" went the most obnoxious sounding horn you'll ever hear. Violet was startled out of her blissful nap and began to wail. "Eeeeyyyaaahhh!" went the horn again.

"Wwwwaaaaahhhh" went the baby.

Cue stares from people with nice hair and 1 well-dressed child in tow.

Quickly we left the area hoping the baby would settle down, lulled back to sleep by the vibrations of a moving cart.

But it didn't happen.

Into the sports bra section we went.

"Waaahhhh!" went the baby.

"Quick! Get the extra-small one," I instructed Hallie. No need to try it on I silently hoped.

We hastened to the check-out and got out of the store amidst stares of single people and families with 2.5 kids.

Half-way home I realized that I had been double charged for the 3 pack of kleenex. A $4.00 over-charge.

"I'll take care of it next week," I thought. Then I thought I'd better check my receipt from Wal-Mart from Friday. Sure enough, a double charge on the pack of diapers I had bought. $11.00.

Crap-ola.

Lessons learned--Don't take 5,000 kids to the store by yourself.

-- If it's August and your hair is long enough, wear a pony-tail.

--And check your receipts...even if your toddler is laying on the floor acting like a dog and the baby is screaming her eyeballs out.

You won't want to leave the house again until September.