Confessions of a Potty-Mouth

It had been a hectic day! No matter what she did, the tired mother of 4 and a half couldn't keep up with the plethora of activities that were bombarding their family's life.

Take kids to school: check!

Clean up spill from toddler: check!

Clean the pig-sty the family called "home": check!

Change poopie-diaper of toddler: check!

String yet another strands of beads for a #%@$ Maori costume: check!

Clean up spill from toddler: check!

Practice piano for 1 hour: check!

Give a few piano lessons: check!

Pick up kids from school: check!

At this point she was really looking forward to the end of the day and watching American Idol. Her daughters really wanted to go to their cousins' championship basketball game, though.

At that moment her exhausted thoughts were interrupted by a bowel-growl. Rats! What to do about dinner? And the husband needed to stay after work to prepare for his art show the following evening. He would need to be picked up at some point.

The plan: Get Taco Bell and eat on the way to the game. "It will make us only a few minutes late", the mother thought. After the game swing back by the school for the man of the family. Sounded like it just might work.

On the way to Taco Bell the eldest daughter announced "Oh, I forgot. I need 150 Hershey's Kisses for my science fair project by tomorrow!" $%*@!!!

Then the other daughter chirped up, "I need two potted plants for my science fair project, also due tomorrow." Double #%@&!!!

"Okay, okay. We can swing this'" the mother thought as she tried to be patient. "We'll get Taco Bell first. You all eat it while I run into Fry's. Then we'll go to the game."

Everyone agreed that this was the thing to do.

When the little family got to the local high school they hurried out of the car door to get in to to see at least half the game. As they were walking through the parking lot the 6 year-old decided to carry her little brother.

He didn't want to be carried.

She insisted.

So did he.

All while maneuvering through a busy high school parking lot.

It was at this moment that the mother's fragile hold on her patience fell apart.

She told the daughter to cease and desist. It did no good. Giggles were heard coming from the child's mouth. The 6 year old wouldn't listen. The mother tried holding her by the shoulder and speaking sternly. Alas it was to no avail. This girl was not in the mood to listen. She just giggled and looked off in the distance as if seeing a magical unicorn blowing multi-colored bubbles with a fairy wand.

Now this really ticked off the mom. She had had it!!! "I must use stronger language to get this child to be properly chastised", she thought to herself.

It slipped out before she could stop it.

"Shut up and listen to me right now!!!" she whispered into the girl's ear.

"Ooooh. You said a bad word!" the little heathen announced out loud for all to hear. And believe me, there was a lot of people to hear it.

Parents and children alike turned their heads toward the mother and angelic looking child. Scorning and judging this mother who had not said a cuss word, though they didn't know it. She could have said the f-word for all they knew.

She quietly took the little girl by the hand and under her breath threatened her all the way in to the gym. That girl was going to get it when they got home.

They made it in time for the last 3 minutes of the 3rd quarter and the were able to cheer the team on to victory for the entire 4th quarter.

After the game they collected the father from his school and drove quietly home.

The little girl was sent to bed for her wild-child activities and the mother was too exhausted to do anything but lay on the couch for the rest of the evening.

Tomorrow she'd be a better example.

#%$@ kids.

This was true story. Pray it doesn't happen to you. And make sure your kids know that some words are "cuss" words and some are just "not-nice" words.

I bet you thought I was done with this post. Well I'm not. Yesterday was another busy day. Curtis helped me out though. He actually did the coconut thingies for me. Thanks for offering Amy. I almost called you :) He worked on them for 2 1/2 hours last night. Thanks honey!!!

While he was working on them I realized that the $20 I had in my back pocket was gone. I checked the floor, I checked under the couch cushions, I checked everywhere I could think of. Except the one place that I never dreamed it would be.

At 10:30 we started to turn out the lights and head upstairs. I reached our room first and was about to fall into bed when I heard Curtis say "Debra, I found your $20!!!"

It's a really good thing the toilet had just been cleaned. Curtis fished it out and said "I guess this is now my $20".

I told him I would run it through the wash when I did a load of laundry. He said not to bother but I can't just let him take toilet money. I'll Lysol the heck out of it.

Hopefully that will work.

So that's it. Our week in a (coco)nut shell.

Potty mouths and potty money.